Ligeia's Lament
by DahliaCrow
Summary: A mother's gift can also become a curse. Story begins in the marauders' fifth year. Pairings undecided
1. Chapter 1

She let out the breath she had been holding, carefully shaking out her arms, which had previously been wrapped around her torso in an attempt to give herself some semblance of comfort. Today was the day that she would be sorted into her Hogwarts house. "At least I won't stick out," she mumbled, glancing around her. She had always cursed her short stature, but now, being the only fifteen year old surrounded by first years, she was glad that her height allowed her to blend in with the crowd.

She jumped a little, trying not to display her fear as the door swung open and Professor McGonagall appeared to usher them out to the Great Hall. The students chattering suddenly much louder than it was before, she did her best not to panic. Following the rest of the students into the room, she willed herself not to look. She did, and stopped dead in her tracks. _There are so many people here. Oh sweet Merlin, now they're all staring at me. Move, legs, move!_

Down amongst the house tables, a few people snickered, pointing at the nervous girl. James nudged Sirius in the ribs. "Hey, looks like we've got another Peter! How much you wanna bet she goes to Hufflepuff?" He laughed.

Sirius barely spared the girl a glance. "Nah, Peter somehow got his way into Gryffindor. Bet she'll come here. They'd be perfect for each other!"

They both roared with laughter at the thought of Peter having a girlfriend, not even caring that the friend in question was sitting across from them with Remus, frowning at the table. Remus tutted disapprovingly, but said nothing.

 _At least I'm somewhat close to the front_ , she reassured herself. _Less time to humiliate myself._ The line was slowly disappearing off to their respective houses. As McGonagall was preparing to read her name from the scroll however, Dumbledore stood, and her heart stopped. _No, no no no no no. PLEASE no. Don't call more attention to me!_

"Boys and girls, I have news most exciting! We have been given the honor of housing a transfer student for the rest of her education! I expect you all to welcome her warmly, as one of our own! I am pleased to introduce you all to formerly-home-tutored fifth year, Miss Desticius, Vox!" Beaming at her with an ominous twinkle in his eye, Professor Dumbledore led a light smattering of applause as he took his seat, and the tiny fifth year made her way to the sorting hat.

Vox was grateful that the sorting hat fell over her eyes. She was mortified. Why did the headmaster have to call such attention to her? Everyone was whispering about her now. There's no way she could be a fifth year, she was too tiny. Did he say Desticius? Tradition dictates they don't attend public education establishments! Did the death eaters come after her family? _Now I'll never be able to blend in!_

"Hm, but hiding isn't a very Gryffindor trait, Miss Desticius..." Vox jumped at the voice in her head. _What is that? Is the hat talking to me? Oh no! It can read my mind?_ "Calm yourself, child!" The hat scolded. "Having a panic attack in front of all of these people wouldn't do well for your plans, now would it?" Vox took a deep breath, intending to hold it until the damned hat let her go to her table. "It's very brave of you, you know. To come to the one place where you are most in danger of having your powers taken advantage of. Great dangers lie within this school for you, Miss Desticius. Yet, you agreed to come here..." _I have no idea what you're talking about. Please, just put me somewhere I'll fit in. I don't like the attention..._ "Somewhere you'll fit in, eh? As you wish...

GRYIFFINDOR!"

Vox was dismayed. She took the hat from her head and slid into the very end of the Gryffindor table, hoping to get through dinner with as little attention as possible. _Isn't this the house of bravery? What a fraud. Maybe the hat is defective and puts you in the opposite house? Someone should warn the headmaster. Not me, of course. But someone should..._

James swore, handing over the last of his dessert to a gloating Sirius. "See?" The curly haired Gryffindor laughed, "I told you we'd get stuck with her! Why don't you go say hi, Peter?"

Vox was careful to make sure she stayed away from the students of her year as she followed her new housemates to the common room. They were certain to ask her questions, and she didn't want anyone to get too close to her. The less they knew about her, the better, in her opinion. She was startled out of her moping reverie by a far-too-cheery redhead. "Hi! I'm Lily Evans. You're... Vox, right? Desticius Vox? I'm a fifth year too, come on! I'll show you to our dorm!"

 _Definitely too cheery_ Vox thought as she quietly followed the stranger up the stairs.

James and Sirius watched them go, no longer laughing. "Do you think...?" Sirius said, turning to James.

"Doubt it," James replied. "Neutral families don't usually get sorted into Gryffindor, do they?"

"Maybe she isn't neutral," Sirius continued. "I shunned my family's beliefs and now I'm here. Maybe she decided to take a stand." Resolving to ask her whenever they got the chance, the boys went up to their own dorm, joining Remus and Peter in a peaceful slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

Vox arrived at the Great Hall the next morning looking haggard. She'd never managed to complete a proper glamour charm, and now everyone could see that she hadn't managed to sleep much her first night in the castle. There were a few whispered conversations, people wondered if she was homesick, or if the Gryffindors had kept her up all night with a start of term party. No one had the nerve to approach her, and for that she was grateful... Until Black and Potter slid in on either side of her, their two strange friends sitting opposite her.

"Hey new girl," said Potter.

"Did we hear Dumbledore say your name was Desticius?" Finished Black.

Vox groaned internally. Of course the purebloods would recognize her name. She was saved from having to answer them by the appearance of a dark haired Slytherin boy. He seemed to be upsetting that overly cheerful girl ( _Lily,is that her name?)_ from the night before. The boys rushed off to torment him, and Vox was left with just one of the four, the shorter member had scurried off after the obvious ring leaders.

"Sorry about them," he said. "They can be a bit obnoxious at times." He smiled a little at her muttered _"at times?"_ extending his hand across the table as he introduced himself. "I'm Remus Lupin, do you need help finding your way to class? It's rather easy to get lost around here, and I'm sure you don't want to be here when they get back to finish questioning you."

Transfiguration was one of those subjects that she just couldn't get the hang of sometimes. She appreciated Professor McGonagall's stern, no-nonsense approach though. The professor managed to keep the other students from bothering her, which was quite a feat, as they were sharing their lesson with the ever-curious Ravenclaws.

 _Of course the bloody house of bookworms would know all about my family history! Why didn't I enroll under an alias? I'm stupid._ Some of the Ravenclaws were just curious to hear if the family lore matched what they had read. Others, however, were outright aggressive about it, demanding to see her wrists and ankles, wanting to know if she was "marked." _The nerve of them! I ought to hex them all into oblivion!_

Eventually the class ended. Vox made a note of her homework assignment and placed her possessions back into her bag. Black and Potter had had no problems with the lesson, and they had definitely noticed her struggling. She was ashamed. She really was an embarrassment to her family name. She left quickly, trying to make her way to the next lesson before they could get the chance to mock her for her incompetence.

History of Magic was a subject she had always excelled in. Apparently all this particular teacher could teach them was the Goblin Wars, however. Lily had told her that in all of her years at Hogwarts, they hadn't studied a single subject in this course that wasn't Goblin related. _I wonder if, when he died, Professor Binns was preparing a lesson on the Goblin Rebellion, and now he's stuck teaching nothing but Goblin history forever. Did he bore himself to death? This is some torturous form of limbo._

She skipped lunch, wanting both to explore the castle and to avoid the fifth year Gryffindor boys. _Well, Lupin isn't so bad. I wonder why he hangs out with Black and Potter? They're such prats. Even he thinks they're annoying jerks. He said so himself! That other boy... He's strange. There's something off about him that I don't like, but I can't put my finger on it. He makes me even more uncomfortable than Black and Potter do..._

Her wandering had taken her out to the grounds. Just as she was about to cast a tempus to see if she had time to explore some more or if she needed to head back up to the castle, her wand was knocked from her hand as someone pulled her hard to the left. Turning, she found Black, his hand on the back of his neck and looking sheepish.

"Sorry-"

"Shut it, Black! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?! You're a damn pureblood, aren't you? You should know better than to touch a woman without permission! I should hex you right-" Her tirade was interrupted by the shaking of the ground, accompanied by a loud **THUD!** She turned slowly on the spot, looking in horror at the massive tree branch that had just pounded into the ground at the exact spot she had been in moments before.

"As I was saying," Black continued, "Sorry for startling you, but you were in the way of the willow, and I figured you would prefer **not** to be flattened."

"What _is_ that?" Vox asked with a mixture of awe and fear, momentarily forgetting that she was actively avoiding speaking to Black. That tree had nearly killed her! _I wonder if I could get a few of those at home..._

"It's a whomping willow. It's a little possessive of it's land, so try not to get within...well, _whomping_ distance. I guess Dumbledore forgot to add that warning to his speech this year."

Potter, who had been off playing with a strange looking golden ball and flirting with Lily, snatched up her wand, easily dodging the branches as they flailed about. Handing it to her, he turned to Black and said, with great theatrics, "Alas! My love has scorned me once more! Whatever shall I do? I, a lowly toe-rag!"  
Black laughed, clapping his friend on the back. "Toe-rag, eh? Is that better, or worse than a pigheaded prat?" Laughing again at his friend's dramatic show of abject misery, he called over his shoulder as they walked up towards the castle, "Remember to stay out of whomping range, m'lady! ...and you might want to head to class, we're late!"

Cursing Gryffindor boys, the headmaster and abusive trees, she took off at a run. Being late to her second favorite class was bad enough. Being late and coming in with _them_ would be the worst thing that could happen to her, short of everyone finding out her deepest secret.

Author's Note: I know I'm a little rusty. I haven't written much in a few years now, and this is my first fan fiction. Let me know if there's something you think I could improve. I know the chapters are short, but as I said, I haven't written in a while, so I'm trying to take it slowly. The next chapter will be up soon, I'm almost done writing it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Oops, I've been forgetting my disclaimer.**

 **Disclaimer: Do not own anything created by JK Rowling**

By the time she had made it to the classroom she was out of breath, her hair mussed and her tie askew. Professor Slughorn tutted. "It just won't do to be late on your first day, miss... Desticius. That will be five points from Gryffindor. I'll let you off without a detention, since you're new, but do be on time in the future. Go on, take a seat!"

Vox slid into the only empty table, groaning and laying her head down as the boys walked in. Black slid in next to her and Potter next to Lily, looking triumphant. _If I'd known I would be stuck with one of those idiots as a partner I would have sat with too-cheery-Lily. Ha, they should have called her sunflower, since she always acts so... sunny._

"What's so funny?" BLack asked as they started preparing for the lesson.

"Huh? Was I laughing? Oops." _Ugh, how embarassing. I'm so pathetic._ "I was just thinking, Lily Evans should have been named Sunflower since she acts so sunny..." _Wow, that was lame. Why did I say that out loud? I'm so stupid._ As Vox was internally beating herself up, her potions partner laughed.

"You're a little awkward, aren't you? Lame puns are great, but your delivery isn't. I suppose being unsocialized is one of the big disadvantages of home tutoring, huh?"

Vox was taken aback. "uh... yeah," she mumbled. They worked on their potion in silence for the rest of double potions. The lesson was mostly uneventful, though James Potter did get in a shouting match with the Slytherin Vox had seen them bothering earlier, Severus Snape, she learned his name was, because he wouldn't stop staring at Lily-the-sunflower. Lily then hexed him for "pretending to be a knight in shining armor when you're nothing more than a bullying git!" Working with Black hadn't been too bad, though he did almost blow up their cauldron while laughing at Potter for being scolded.

She ate alone. She hated the solitude, but she really couldn't risk having anyone get close to her. it would put them all in danger. She was in danger just by being out of her home, but she couldn't take being there any longer. She went to her dorm alone, and again slept fitfully.

Over the next few weeks she learned a lot about the people around her. The little fat boy who followed Potter and Black around, Peter Pettigrew, was horrid in all of his classes. He also rarely spoke unless he was adressed directly. He was more of a pet to the other three than an actual friend.

Severus Snape was supposed to be Lily Evans' best friend, but she's a muggle born and he was spending almost all of his time with the blood purist Slytherins. He was really good at potions, and he and Lily often worked together, when they weren't fighting.

Potter was obsessed with Lily, constantly asking her out. He and Black were inseperable. He was a bully to Snape, but considering the company he keeps while claiming to be Lily's friend, Vox couldn't really blame James for wanting to punish him. Black and Potter were really good in their classes, too. Especially in Defence Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration. _So good in the latter, in fact, that if I don't get my grades up Mcgonagall's probably going to make me ask one of them to help me. How horrifying._

Black and Potter's friend Remus Lupin gave her quite a bit to think about. He was very different from the other two, in that not only was he **not** loud and obnoxious, but he aslo wasn't a "bullying git" as Lily so eloquently put it. He was very polite, even to the Slytherins, and especially to the younger students. He was a Prefect, and although he did let some things his friends do slide, he held them accountable for most of their more dangerous pranks. Also, she was fairly certain that he was a werewolf.

He'd "fallen ill" just before the full moon in their first month at school, and now that it was nearing again he had begun to look a bit peaky. It would explain why he was so accepting of others, no matter their faults or status, how could someone facing such a frowned upon stigma be judging of others? _If he isn't at breakfast today there will be no doubt that he is. Do his friends know? They must, they're not stupid. Well, Pettigrew might be, but I doubt he'd be kept out of the loop with as much as he stalks them._

Vox headed into the Great Hlal for breakfast, and sure enough, Remus Lupin was missing from the Gryffindor table. Taking her usual place at the end of the table, as far from the fifth years as possible, she picked at an assortment of fruit and lost herself in her thoughts. _If he's a werewolf, and they know about it and accept him, perhaps it wouldn't be so wrong of me to try and make friends? There's no guarantee that anyone will find out about_ _ **my**_ _condition, as long as I avoid any Legilimens and learn the glamour spell... But then, what if someone does find out? If they have ties to Death Eaters, all my hypothetical friends are in danger of being hurt in order to force my compliance... The same can be said of Dumbledore finding out though... I've heard of how manipulative he can be. I bet he wouldn't hesitate to keep any friends I have hostagte in order to compel me to work for him..._ Vox stood abruptly and hurried out of the hall, seeking the solace of her four poster.

From halfway down the table, a pair of grey eyes watched her go, recognition flashing across his features as he surveyed the subtle shake of her hands and te mixture of desperation and fear present in her eyes. Sirius BLack knew a panic attack when he saw one, and miss Desticius just became all the more interesting because of it.

It was the day before Halloween, and Vox had a lot of trouble staying focused. Her panic attack at breakfast hadn't been her first. It wasn't even her first since switching from her home tutoring to the very crowded Hogwarts, but it was certainly a bad one. She typically had more control than that, but they were always more difficult to deal with at this time of the year. Praying that no one had noticed her odd behavior, she spent the rest of the day doing everything she could to keep her mind, and her hands, busy. Even if that meant that she wasn't doing what she was supposed to in class. By the end of the day she had lost fifty points, earned a detention, and injured herself with a miscast spell. It wasn't all bad though, she also got an invitation to a Slug Club Party. _Great, because I so_ _ **love**_ _parties._

That night, Black, Potter and Pettigrew were practicing their latest idea. Peter was easily discouraged, and demanded that they go practice in the common room so that he could sleep. THey obliged, and found Vox curled up in front of the fire, apparently copying someone's notes.

Vox didn't notice the two boys come down the stairs. Until they plopped themselves down on either side of her. James laughed when she jumped, spilling her ink bottle. Sirius reached to pick it up, frowning as she flinched. "Isn't it a bit late to be doing homework, Desticius? " James teased, snatching up a stack of parchment. "Whose notes are you taking?" He continued, looking confused as he shuffled through half a dozen copies of identical information. "You know, there's a replication spell that would make this a lot easier."

Vox felt trapped. They were sitting to close. They were touching her things. They were **mocking** her. She could tell, of course, that Potter's tone was more curious than ridiculing, but all she could feel was humiliation, as if he had just read her diary aloud the the entire student body. Her hands began to shake as she once again tried to fight down the panic that was threatening to overwhelm her.

Sirius saw the shaking and tapped James' shoulder. "Come on, we can't work on it right now, let's just go to bed and we can try again tomorrow." James nodded distractedly, giving Vox once last curious glance. He followed Sirius up to their dorm, intending to question him on why he wasn't more curious about what the new girl was doing. Vox let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and returned to her notes.


End file.
